Today’s podcast might sound like a rant or like I’m too intense, but I don’t care.
We have to talk about this.
If I don’t talk about this I am not being of service to you or more importantly to your kids.
So think of it this way, I do this for your kids who are watching you and deserve to have a mom who shows them how to choose herself always, who has a strong sense of self, who is centered, confident, educated and embodied.
That’s what we want for our kids don’t we? I know I do.
Today’s episode is all about the REAL reason why you are feeling like crap.
The real reason you are burned out, stressed out, exhausted, unhealthy, not feeling vibrant and like you hate your life.
Are you ready to hear the truth?
What are your takeaways from this episode? I’d love to hear your ideas and thoughts and also your limiting beliefs around your health. Share them with me over at Instagram @healthbeginswithmom
Sending you much love & healing
Here’s a little background story for you.
I went to a women’s event locally to where I live and at the end of it a lady approached me and complimented me that I look great and that I’ve lost weight. And then the obvious question, how did you do it? And I looked into her eyes, thanked her for the compliment, and then said, ‘do you want the long truth or the short fluff’?
She giggled a bit and then asked for the truth. So I told her the truth. I choose myself first. I come before my kids, my husband, or anybody who needs something from me, or at least I think that they need me. I wake up an hour earlier than everybody else and take care of myself. I shower, I take care of my skin, my hair, put light makeup on, meditate, write in my journal, drink 1/2 liter of water with a green powder to help balance my hormones, and only then do home stuff (unload the dishwasher, pack lunches, serve breakfast, etc).
I spend $200 a month on memberships to yoga and a boot camp studio. To me, this is a fixed cost just like an electricity bill, gas bill, water bill, etc. This is not a cost I can remove or not have. I have it because I need it to feel good and show up in my life the way I want to for myself and my family.
I end my work day at 3 pm twice a week so I can have enough time to prepare fresh homemade food that will nourish and satisfy me. I make an effort and push myself even when I don’t feel like it. Even when I don’t have time. I make it happen, I work around my schedule, I ask myself “how can I make it happen?” instead of “I can’t” or “it’s too hard” or “I’m too busy, I don’t have time for this”.
She was surprised and quite frankly unprepared for this long answer. I think she was waiting for a quick fix kinda answer like “I found this really effective pill that you pop into your mouth and it makes you shrink”.
Nope. That’s not me.
I’m the deep-long-route kinda girl. I don’t believe in shortcuts or quick fixes.
So I think I scared her a bit. But I don’t care. She has to hear the truth. And you have to hear this truth as well.
So here it is.
The reason you are unhealthy or not feeling good in your body is that you don’t value health. It is just not a priority for you. If you don’t value it your brain will find all the excuses in the world to justify and mediate the discomfort you feel. And we women do this all the time, we bitch and complain to each other about how hard it is to exercise, eat healthily, go to the gym, move our bodies, go outside as a way to get approval and external understanding. It’s like we need to see that other women are struggling with the same things to feel good about our own discomfort. Here too we look outside of ourselves for permission to be.
Some excused are pretty lame like “I don’t know any gyms”. Really? Google it!
Or “I don’t like to exercise alone” Girl have you ever heard of group classes?!
Other excuses are actually legit but again depends who you ask.
“I don’t have time to be healthy”
“I have so many responsibilities – my kids, my husband, my mom, my dad, my sister, my whoever”
“I can’t afford to go to the gym”
“I can’t afford health coaching”
By the way, you do have the money, you’re just choosing to put it somewhere else where you prioritize more than your health. I say this without judgment, but think about it, you work, you earn money, you might not have disposable income but when you need you makes things work. I think about my parents and how they’ve been complaining to me for years that they don’t have money for travel and how they wish to travel more, and then out of the blue, my mom decides to renovate the kitchen and spends 6K on renovations! Where did this money come from? This shows you that we do have the money we just value and prioritize different things. I prioritize my health and you prioritize kids’ extracurricular activities. At the moment my kids have to extracurricular activities, and I’m ok with that. Again, no judgment. Look, I am not a rich person, my husband and I both work and some months are tougher than others, but we value health and as a result, we use our money to support that goal.
I hear women say to me all the time, “Dorit, you don’t understand, my circumstances are really different. My husband works like a dog, he’s not around to help out, my kids are so lazy and uninvolved, all they want is to be on the screen all day. I am a maid, I can’t possibly take a break and focus on myself. If I do this my house will fall apart”.
Look, I’m going to give it to you straight since I’m on a roll here. Life is tough. This is not going to change anytime soon, but I want you to know that you have control over your life!
You are sick and tired of having lazy kids? Get help, get them involved in the house chores, give them a sense of responsibility and belonging in the house this is better for you and for them. Is this going to be easy? Hell no, they will resist and fight you, but you have to keep going, you must stay with it. This is what choosing yourself first means! I deliberately and intentionally train my girls to help me around the house, this is above homework by the way because I believe that their responsibilities at home outweigh their responsibilities at school. Home is above school because this is where they live. This is where they hang out, this is their home base literally. I want them to grow up feeling like they are responsible for whatever happens around here. This means I can tell them to clean up after dinner so I can go to the gym. so don’t give me the excuse that you have to clean up after dinner so you missed your gym class. By the way, if your kids are still young to help, get your hubby to do it. This too will require a fight. But remember, you are fighting for yourself!
You matter. Your time matters. Your health matters. Your mood matters. Your levels of happiness matter.
You are not a victim, you are not disabled, you are not cursed to have a tough life.
The only reason you feel like you are last on your list is because you are the one who’s perpetuating this again and again and again. It’s your thought pattern that leads you to take action to support this belief. Because you believe that you don’t matter your life seems impossible and difficult. This might be the reason your teenagers talk back at you because teenagers are like “authenticity detectors” they smell lies. This is the beauty of this age group. Don’t run away from it, don’t just shush them. Take this as an opportunity to look within and see where are you expecting them to do what you yourself don’t do! Do you expect them to stop eating junk, but you still buy cookies and sweets every time you shop for groceries? Do you overeat? Do you expect them to not be glued to the screen but spend enormous time in front of it at work and then at home in front of the TV?
I know it’s hard to look within and pace yourself. But this is what you have to do to feel good in your body and stay vibrant, healthy and joyful.
So this is my very long answer to the lady who’ve asked me ‘how I did it’. This is how I did it and still do.
Every day is a battle. Every day I don’t feel like it. But I still do it.
So, enough with the excuses, procrastination, and lies. You have to take responsibility for yourself.
No one can do this for you! It’s your life.
Being tired, stressed, exhausted and burned out is a choice and it can stop if you decide to do so.
Speaking of which, go register to the webinar I am hosting in a couple of weeks about this very topic. I will teach you how to take care of yourself starting with the basics. The basics matter the most because they are your foundation. I will teach you how to support the three pillars of your health as a woman – nervous system, hormones, and the digestive system. All three work together and you need to know how to take care of yourself so you can keep showing up in life the way you want to.