156. Understanding Men an Interview with Alison Armstrong

Today’s episode is extremely important and an absolute must for every woman who’s struggling feeling unsupported, alone, forgotten and unappreciated always and during the Covid-19 pandemic. We’re home with our partners and kids more than we’ve ever been, and especially now it is CRUCIAL to understand how men are built psychologically and how they think so we can get the help we need while supporting each other’s needs.

I have used this language to communicate with my husband my need for alone time, my need for a clean kitchen at the end of the day, I got him to load the dishwasher and remember to turn it on. These are little things that seem insignificant in a man’s head but to us, women, they are insurmountable in their effect and magnitude.

So Today’s episode will help you to begin this conversation with your partner and hopefully alleviate some of the current stress, arguments, nagging, begging and constant bickering which causes so much destruction and disconnection instead of connecting during such challenging time. Right now we need each other more than ever, so let’s make this productive and effective.

Alison’s bio

In her words, “I’m passionate about Partnership. I want to know everything about this paradigm – this magic that can happen between people. What makes a partnership possible, what makes one brilliant, what destroys a partnership, what expands the power of partnership. Everything I study and distinguish is to give greater access to the phenomenon of partnership.

“This is why I’ve spent so much time on male/female and masculine/feminine dynamics. The misunderstandings and misinterpretations between testosterone-based and estrogen-based creatures (usually known as men and women, but not always) devastate lives, destroy families, and put our dreams of love and fulfillment out of reach. And that’s just in the personal, romantic domain. Apply these misconceptions to education, work and community, and the real consequences of fundamentally not understanding each other are exponentially worse.”

Alison is a sought-after speaker in the areas of gender differences, well-being, empowerment, sexuality and relationships.

In 1994, my personal compulsion to understand men converged with my personal and professional commitment to children. I realized one of the best ways I can help children is by altering the way their parents relate to each other. By shifting those relationships from the adversarial context we inherited, to the partnerships that are now possible, parents can create home environments in which their children flourish.”

Alison continued, “We receive wedding announcements and baby pictures with thank you notes saying ‘this wouldn’t have been possible without your work’, and I think they’re wonderful. But I am moved to tears when I hear about a family that was restored or a divorce that was prevented.”

Highlights from today’s episode:

  • Alison’s story and how she began studying men which led to 30 years of exploration, research, study, speaking and writing books about the differences between men and women.
  • Alison’s definition of the queen’s code. If the majority of the book is about understanding men, why isn’t it called the king’s code? Why is my identity as a queen wrapped around figuring out his kingship first?
  • What am I doing wrong that turns my man into a frog?
  • What happens when women give up the right to emasculate a man?
  • How much of this work is rooted in the bible and scripture and God’s design of men and women?
  • Adam and Eve as inspiring characters in Alison’s work
  • What is ‘productive resistance’
  • Female and male hormones and how they affect our feelings and emotions as hunters and gatherers.
  • Why is it so difficult to be home with our men all the time during quarantine?
  • What don’t men understand about women and what don’t women understand about themselves?
  • Why understanding that men get gratification from big things, while women get gratification from little things is important to the current quarantine situation?
  • How can a little thing to us (taking out the trash) women, be a big thing in a man’s world so that he will get it done and help out?
  • Why being upset or grumpy doesn’t work with a man and hence doesn’t change his behaviour?
  • How a man thinks and how women can use this understanding to get her needs met?
  • How can we get our husbands to help more around the house and the kids?
  • The Language of Heroes and why the attitude of communicating them matters more than saying them?
  • What’s the Hierarchy of instincts and how can we use it to understand our men?
  • How to communicate with a man in a way that registers as important.
  • Powerful examples of scripts to communicate with men.
  • What does it mean to be his neck How to shift from being a nagger to his queen

Show Notes

www.understandmen.com

www.queenscode.com

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